My bits and pieces seemed fine. We didn't really focus too much on them.
The dr had gotten pg and had a baby since we saw her last. This was her first week back after only taking 6 weeks off. She said, "I don't recommend it." We *think* she is a single mom. She loooved Quinn and told her she was "so cute" at least 18 times. We said something to Quinn about this being the first lady she ever met. Dr. sing-song chanted "I saw you first" which was funny in this circumstance.
She has already stopped breastfeeding because she didn't have enough milk. I was telling her about domperidone and how well it worked for me, etc. It made me sad that she wanted to breastfeed, but didn't have the support that she needed. I think she was very sleep-deprived and that combined with not enough milk can just be terrible. She told Megan that she "thought of us and how tired we were" when she was exhausted. Us? Of all the parents? Were we *that* pitiful?
I wish that she was my friend and not my dr. I would have liked to have been able to give her more support.
- Mood:
thoughtful
Quinn didn't nurse well enough this morning to make me comfortable, so I decided to pump. I *do* still want to have AM milk, so I feel I can justify it. Anyway, I've been pumping and not getting much from the blebbed (new word) side.
Yep, it's back and bigger looking. I guess I should have knocked on something last night.
Just delivered Quinn to Mummy (sorry 'bout waking you) and performed surgery again. It's scary to go pinching at your tata with tweezers, but WOW is it instant gratification. The milk comes right away, so you know you've fixed it.
I didn't take any domperidone this morning. Ulp.
- Mood:
relieved
I keep getting plugged ducts. The sides sort of trade off. Who knows why. Stress? Sleeping on my side? Skipping pumpings? Too much saturated fat in my diet?
The last straw was earlier this week. I had a duct that was plugged and wouldn't open. When I got done pumping, I noticed that I had a bleb (milk blister). I swear, if you are in any way squeamish about anything boobular, skip to the ****s. Really.
Really.
Like I said, a bleb is a milk blister. Basically it looks like a whitehead on your nipple. Not mine, but here's a picture. Mine was a lot smaller and more localized. It can either be where some skin has overgrown a duct hole or a chunk of milk fat is blocking the little pore. I took a hot shower to see if it would give way. It didn't. I tried running a fingernail over it to no avail. Finally, I washed up some tweezers and pinched it and yanked the top off. It bled a little, but more importantly it was sort of weeping a clear liquid. I was hoping it was backed up foremilk. I pumped again and it flowed like nothing had ever happened. The pain was instantly gone. The milk was a little thick from being backed up (and a tad pink...ick). I put some neosporin on it before bed (since I knew Quinn wouldn't be nursing until morning). The mark is still there, but it hasn't blocked anymore. That's a relief.
******Happy stars that mark the end of the grossness.**********
I feel like if I stop pumping that I'm letting Megan down. I'm supposed to make milk. I make the milk. Megan puts it in bottles. Those are our jobs. Quinn I don't worry about. She's as happy as a clam with whatever is in her bottle. When I say this to Megan, she just looks at me like I'm nuts and reminds me that Quinn's 13 months and that I've done my job.
So here's my announcement...
I'm weaning!
This past week, I went from pumping 5 times a day to four. Today I have only pumped twice and I didn't take my domperidone at the middle-of-the-day time. I am going to take my domperidone before bed, because I would like to continue to have milk in the AM. That's the only time of day that Quinn with nurse. I'm not entirely sure that PM dom=AM milk, but it is worth a shot. I am not going to take my AM or middle-of-the-day dom tomorrow. I will probably pump in the morning, unless Quinn nurses really well. If I don't take my dom, I imagine I will probably go back to around my "natural" amount of milk, which is about 8-10 ounces a day. Without all the pumping, though, I think I'll be down close to nothing very soon.
I'm both thrilled and mourning.
Mourning because my baby is all grown up. Mourning my peaceful time when I pump and get to surf the net and read trashy novels. Mourning my excuse at work to disappear and hide three times a day. Mourning because I know I'll probably get my period next week or something. Mourning because the pressure for #2 will kick up a notch.
Thrilled because the terrible suffering (I don't think any other word describes it) that all of this has been will finally be over. Thrilled because I can wear an underwire bra again. Thrilled because I won't have to remember to take pills three times a day and stop my life five times a day to go pump.
Here's to hanging up the horns.
- Mood: nostalgic
Usually I would pump: 4+3+2+2.5 +4=15.5 oz
Today I got: 2+2+1+1.5+1+1.5=9 oz
The girls feel empty. No fullness. No heft.
Today Megan mentioned starting to mix cow's milk in with my milk to get her used to the taste. I guess she's given up on me too.
I don't think I'll be able to call the LC this week because I'm in a training all day/every day. They never answer the phone. You always leave a message and they call you back. I can't give them a time b/c I don't know when my breaks will be. I can't leave the training to go talk on the phone. That would look bad, plus I'd be lost when I got back. This is a ridiculous situation.
I guess I will keep pumping and such for another couple of weeks and see if my supply rebounds.
In better news, my mom met with the oncologist today. They told her that maybe she doesn't have cancer. She might just have the precursors to it. I guess the enzyme they tested for indicates cancer, but not 100%. The other stuff that look for to go with it still look good. She has to do a 24 hour urine catch and wait another week. Quite the rollercoaster.
- Mood: hopeful
Weds (4/2) - I get a terribly plugged duct in the afternoon/evening. LOTS of pumping. I am unable to clear it and go to bed.
Thurs (4/3) - It is flowing freely in the morning and things are better(ish) all day. happy happy joy joy Normal pumping (5x)
Fri - It is lumpy, owey and slow-flowing again. I attributed it to swelling from Weds. Took ibuprofen. Normal pumping (5x)
Sat & Sun - Both sides are lumpy all weekend, but no huge "back-up" like Weds. I think I'm being sensitive. Supply normal to slightly low Weekend pumping (3-4x)
Yesterday - It still has a somewhat lumpy feel, but much "smaller" feeling (like it is giving). My supply is about 1/3 what it usually is on that side. I'm talking <1 ounce after 3+ hours. Around 7 pm I notice that the "bad" boob has turned red and blotchy. I fret that it is getting infected, but it isn't sore, so I don't worry too much. One extra pumping (6x)
This morning - Quinn nursed very well from the "bad" side. When I pumped, I got over 2 ounces (a lot considering she nursed from that side) from the bad side... and only 1 1/4 ounces from the good side that she didn't nurse from. I would expect at least 2 ounces from the side she didn't nurse from.
What the hell? Every time I think things are fixed, there is some kind of relapse. I was going to call the LC again today. (Yay for free help lines) What would I say, though? I have a large number of weird things to report, but the #1 issue (supply on left side) seems fine this AM.
Could I have over-pumped and injured myself further at some point here?
I got a migraine yesterday. Migraine may be related to hormones. Hormones are related to milk supply. Could I possibly attribute yesterday's terrible supply to a combo of hormones and sludgy milk? I didn't drink much water yesterday.
I'm mentally preparing myself for weaning, but I want to be the one to do it (or Quinn to do it), I don't want it thrust upon us.
- Mood:
confused
Ugh. I have a plugged duct again. This is the worst I've ever had. It is huge. I can feel the milk backed up all the way to my armpit. I've been pumping and squeezing for what seems like hours.... and soaking in hot water ... and drinking water ... and I took a hot shower ... and I used hot compresses.
I'm not getting much milk and it just keeps getting firmer and firmer. It's late now. I guess the only thing I can do at this point is take some ibuprofen for the pain and hope that it pops free when I get up in the morning.
- Mood:
annoyed
It was sort of nice to be around my mom and dad long enough that Quinn now recognizes them from across the room. Two weekends ago when we were down there, she didn't know them from strangers on the street. Quinn also got to meet lots of family members and all of mom's friends. She was on her best behavior and charmed the socks off of everyone. So many strangers held her and she didn't bat an eye (as long as she could at least see one of us).
My mom has not been taking good care of herself all of this time that she's been caring for grandma. There are so many things wrong with her and I don't think any doctor will touch her because of the congestive heart failure. I really don't know what's going to come of all this and can't really bring myself to think about it for too long.
Completely unrelated, my plugged duct worked out by the next day. My supply was cut in half and it was sore on that side for about another day and a half, but now everything seems to be back to "normal."
- Mood:
tired
- Mood:
nauseated
 |
In geekier news, I've searched the net and local shops for the Nintendo DS Lite in Pink. Yeah, I know what you are going to say about the pink. I *hate* pink, but there is just something hott about a girly-specific game system. I know I'm technically selling out, but I've found peace in this. I planned on buying it after the holidays and now EVERYWHERE is either sold out or price gouging (sp?). *pout* I can't even count how many "notify me when this is back in stock" buttons that I've signed up for today. I'm justifying this purchase by saying that I can play when I'm pumping. ;) Oh, and with the new sleep plan, that is 5 times a day instead of just 3 because I am pumping right before bed and after she nurses in the morning. Sounds reasonable, eh? Get this, Megan has FROZEN my milk. Like 20 ounces or so. Holy Shite! I doubt we'll stay ahead, but it's nice while it lasts. After using it sparingly for a while (alternating with formula), we used the last of the lovely milk from DC last week. Big smooches to you folks again. Oh, and how about this song playing on my launchcast right now? Feelin' Good Again - Robert Earl Keen "It feels so good, feelin' good again" Amen! |
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:Feelin' Good Again - Robert Earl Keen
- Mood: annoyed
Ok, so it isn't much of a game. I don't even have a multiple choce list or anything.
My boss has been out of the office for several weeks and has let me use her office to pump in. She kind of forgot when she decided to pop in today. Ooops! She is so shy. I'm not sure that she'll ever recover. I've tried to make her less embarrassed, but it might take a little recovery time. This is even more awkward than the time she was trying to convince me that I misspoke when I was talking about my wife.
I do feel, somehow, that this has brought us closer.
~*~**~*~*~*~**~~*~*
Anyone else excited about the show "Heroes"?? You can watch the whole pilot episode for free on Yahoo. I was very pleased with it. I mean, it does seem to be a blatant X-Men rip-off, but I love me some X-Men.
Here it is: http://tv.yahoo.com/feature/fall06/?d=50
In other news, beginning tomorrow, Quinn will be going 3 days a week to a care provider outside of our home. The home care situation is perfect and she only has to go 3 days week, but it is still a big change for us. It is especially big for Megan because she is the one who has gotten to stay home with her this summer. If she's ever going to get that dissertation done, though, this has to happen.
Tomorrow is an "ease in" day. I think Quinn is only going to stay half of the day. Maybe until noon or so...
She's also been having some more real foods. Here is a pic of her enjoying some avocado. Somewhat messy, but she LOOOOVED it.
My milk supply is still very low. Nursing her has remained pretty ok, but my pump amounts have gone down. maybe I'll experiment with changing the membranes. If that doesn't help, I'm not sure what else to do.
I let myself get engorged a couple of times of the course of last week. OK, more like 4 or 5 times. I was also not getting enough water or sleep or nutritious food. Now it looks like I'm going to pay the price. I haven't noticed any plugged ducts, but I've have some sort spots off and on this past week. This morning my boob was downright sore (this, coming from the numb boob girl really says something). I looked in the mirror and the whole outside area of it is red.
I took my temp after lunch and it was around 99. Not high or low. I took some tylenol so it should go back to normal, but I've noticed in the past half hour that I've started sweating.
On the bright side, my supply seems to be intact. I pumped my standard 8 ounces at work today.
UTA - The dr's office just called and I have an appointment tomorrow. FX that it will be just SO much better by tomorrow that I can cancel, but if not, at I have the appointment set.
A friend of ours met with them on Saturday and really liked them, so I'm feeling pretty positive about it. I really want to just love them so that I can stop stressing about the whole child care issue and start thinking "in September, Quinn is going to start going to those nice people's house."
In other news, for those of you who don't obsessively read my comments (and why would you anyway?), my domperidone arrived! Yay for that! We also bit the bullet and bought a (used) professional* breast pump from Ebay. We decided that it was worth it to have and that we could re-sell it at some point and probably not take much of a loss.
*The term "professional" cracks me up. It leads one to believe that someone is pumping as their job. Hmm.. Ok, so maybe it is appropriate...
- Mood:
nervous
Megan (in her infinite wisdom) suggested that we order more last night so that we'd know we had it when this first batch runs out. I only ordered a month's supply the first time as a "test." It obviously helps, so this time we ordered 3 month's worth.
- Location:work
- Mood: hopeful
Last night there was a touch of color going on, but I managed to convince myself that the drugs I was taking had caused so many prostaglandins to be released that my uterus was contracting some and causing some breakthrough bleeding. This AM put a stop to that pipe dream.
Other than the pregnancy, I only got a month and a half blood free because of the weeks of bleeding after the delivery. Speaking of the weeks of bleeding, I still haven't gotten my thyroid test results back. I'm guessing they must be ok or they would have called, but since they lost them the last time...
I have read that bleeding causes your supply to drop, but I haven't really noticed anything. Maybe my supply *is* low right now and it will SOAR in a few days. Unlikely I know, but a girl can dream can't she? Yesterday was actually a pretty good nursing day. During the daytime, I've been using a hand pump to get let-downs and then putting the kidlet on (things are ok overnight and in the AM). She is more willing to nurse when she doesn't have to do the work up front. Hopefully at some point I can stop this, but it is SO worth it to have her nurse instead of pumping.
- Location:catsitting
- Mood:
okay
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
katebug31's care package of domperidone arrived yesterday! I took one pill in the afternoon (to test the waters), two before bed (to step things up a bit) and the full dose of 3 three this morning. I've read that some folks take 4 each time, but I think I'm going to go with the 3 pills, 3 times a day. Here's hoping that it helps at least as much as the reglan did.I guessing my stash from New Zealand should arrive later this week or so...
We had good nursing times last night and overnight. She would definitely like to nurse, but when the flow goes down she gets frustrated and keeps popping off (OW!). Oh yeah, she also doesn't like too MUCH flow either. I have to do just the right amount of compression to give her the flow that she likes.
I got a little more milk at work yesterday than I did last week. I went home with 5 1/2 ounces instead of 4. I'm not sure if it was the fenugreek, the pumping at the same time or what, but hopefully once these drugs kick in I can get at least 6 ounces a day. My goal is 8 ounces and my dream is 12. 12 ounces is what Quinn drank yesterday while I was gone. *sigh*
Megan took Quinn to be weighed yesterday. She was 9 pounds, 12 ounces! She is officially bigger than what I thought she would be at birth. Heh! She is so funny and SO strong. Her new thing is refusing to sit on her butt because she wants to stand ALL THE TIME. She pretty much holds her own weight up, but we still have to hold our arms up to balance her. When your arms get tired from holding them up, she gets pouty. She also has a new trick of trying to launch herself out of her car seat by pushing with her feet and straightening up (not fastened in). She managed to tip it the other day by the shifting weight of her hefty noggin.
- Mood: hopeful
#1 - I miss my baby. Duh (can't go into this at work b/c it makes me cry and I'm trying to appear to be working)
#2 - Pumping at work sucks.
#3 - I'm out of boob drugs. While I'm no longer a zombie, they were really helping me.
#4 - Quinn is getting bottles all day, so she is refusing to nurse. The boob is just too much work. I really don't blame her, I suppose. This means even more pumping.
#3+#4 = My supply has completely crashed. I'm pumping 3 times at work and coming home with like 4 ounces. The hungry little monster would probably like for me to bring home around 8 or 10
We finally ordered the domperidone (or however it is spelled) on Monday when we realized just how bad things are. It takes 10 to 14 days to arrive.
OK, I gotta get back to work but I just wanted to update.
- Location:work
I go back to work on July 3rd, so I guess I had better get used to it. *sigh*
I'm on the last 3-pill-a-day day of my reglan (the drug to increase milk production). Taking it 3 times a day as compared to 4 has made such a difference in my ability to, oh, be awake and stuff. Tomorrow I go down to 2 pills for 5 days. I'm a little worried that my production will be less with this dosage. I'm actually a little worried that it is less already, but Quinn mostly seems satisfied and she isn't wanting any more formula than she had been. Her amount of time that she is nursing is really decreasing. That was scaring me, but I think she is just getting better at draining me (little vampire).
People keep asking me what I want for my birthday and I can't think of anything that isn't technically for Quinn. There are some baby toys I've been eying and some books. If you haven't seen these books, you'll love them. I can't wait to read one in person and not just the excerpts:
Urban Babies Wear Black
Mangia! Mangia! (World Snacks)
Hola Jalapeno (World Snacks)
How cute are they?!?
I was thinking about asking my parents to get me an Over the Shoulder Baby Holder, but I wasn't sure if they could do the online ordering thing. Does everyone agree that this is the best sling? We have a Maya rip-off and an elderly bjorn, but thought something better might be good.
I leave you with cute baby pictures.
Here we are hanging out in the front yard while Mummy works in the flowers. I was having a good time until somebody put this blasted hat on my head.
- Mood:
odd
We made it to 2 months!!
Breastfeeding little Quinn has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. I always saw myself as super-maternal-woman. I was going to be one of those women who had so much milk that I was going to donate to the local milk bank. I was SO WRONG.
Instead, my lactation consultants were contacting the bank for milk (usually reserved for preemies) for MY baby. It's been stressful and upsetting and humiliating. All the pumping and drugs and herbs and then finally reaching the point where I had to supplement with formula. My heart still breaks, but I know it is best for her.
We are doing so much better. She turned 2 months yesterday and is up to 8 and a half pounds. She is a much better nurser, so I'm down to only pumping a time or two a day. I only have a couple more weeks on my Reglan. In fact, I get to go from 4 to 3 pills on Saturday. This means no more 3am pill! YAY! Hopefully my supply will stay as high as it is. I can't wait to get off of these stupid pills. I'm so tired all the time and so weepy and glum. I'm hoping that getting rid of them will brighten me up some.
Currently Quinn gets around 4 ounces of formula a day (sometimes none if there is enough BM in the fridge, sometimes more if she's extra hungry). I know it's not a lot, but it means that when we are out or whatever, we always have to pack stuff just in case she is still hungry when she is done nursing.
This is something that I have to do one day at a time. I'm terrified what will happen when I go back to work, but for the meantime I just need to worry about feeding her TODAY.
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