I've been wanting to write a post, but it is just so hard. The project 365 thing has been good for me because I'm taking pics anyway a lot of the time. Now I have a reason and an output and flickr just makes it too easy to send the pics over here.
I am very annoyed with bloglines. They aren't getting LJ feeds STILL. Google reader is, but there are a couple of features of google reader that don't really work for me. I know I can read LJ here and everything else these, but I shouldn't HAVE to.
What I really want to talk about is symptoms. Who knows if this pregnancy will stay around or not. I have found that I didn't do a good job the other four (yes, FOUR) times I was pregnant with writing down what symptoms I had when. This means that I don't have anything much to compare to.
So, today is 6 weeks, 3 days. Over the last week, I had a migraine for four days in a row. It was yucky and nauseating. I have been fine in the morning and then suddenly starving to the point that I could puke. I have been tired, but not super-exhausted. I've had a couple of naps and early turn-ins, but I mainly attribute those to the headaches. I'm taking 400 mg of prometrium progesterone a day, so I'm a little surprised at this. My intestines have been alternating between the Indy 500 and a complete standstill -- sometimes in the same day. I'm dizzy when I bend over and then stand up. I'm seriously gagging when I brush my teeth, but I haven't thrown up at all. I want to eat proteins and smoothies. Soy hot dogs and nuggets sound good all of the time. Sugary stuff, not so much. Mustard was my dream food last week, but I think I'm over than now.
ETA - From Friday (6w,1d) onward, the headaches have been gone and I've been feeling basically good (too good) when I'm just sitting and less good (but still ok) when I'm up moving around.
An hour or so ago, Quinn told my that my belly was getting full. It's true. My clothes are fitting so-so at this point, but there is definitely less lap space. I really would like to buy a bella band or something similar, but I'm waiting until after I get paid. Anyone have opinions about them? I'm watching these on ebay: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?Vie
Our ultrasound is still eons away. I can't BELIEVE how slowly time is passing. I'm going tomorrow to have my sugar and insulin tested. They said that they might have to adjust my meds.
Since then I've been completely crushed. Non-functional. Might have killed myself except Megan and Quinn need the money that I make. Honestly Quinn, felt food and the next episode of Chuck are the only things that have kept me going. Sometimes Megan, but most of the time I just blame her for making me go through this over and over and over.
I would have given up already, that's for sure. Yes, I want a baby, but maybe not enough to keep torturing myself. Megan has been in charge of everything. I kept referring to myself as her surrogate because I couldn't let me self get emotionally involved, but I should have known I was kidding myself.
Over the weekend we went to Christmas for Megan's Mom's side of the family. There were two babies there. Both had due dates right around when France/is' (Littlest Eggplant) would have been born. They were crawling and adorable. It was so torturous to be there. There was even a video of the past year with delivery photos and stuff. It was really good, but when the background music switched to Green Day's "Good Riddance", I had to escape to the bathroom. Everyone kept talking about all the babies, so many babies, but NOBODY mentioned the fact that there were three dead babies that were NOT at the party. I know people don't know what to say, but a hug and an "I'm sorry" would have done so much.
Then we came home and tested and got a positive. Ok, 2 microscopically faint lines and a "Not pregnant" on the digital, which we all know adds up to a positive. I feel limboish. I want betas because I want to know, but I don't want betas because they cause me so much stress and I just want to be zen about things. I'm thinking I will wait until after I've missed my period. That would be like Saturday-ish and maybe call the RE on Monday. They will want to do betas and progesterone. At that point, I think I might be able to deal a little better. Maybe.
*deep breath*
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
hopemcg- moderately skunky
- Hope and Megan's Home Page
Syndicate
