My doc started me on metformin the other day.  My insulin was a little high.  My understanding is that this can lead to miscarriage.  I've seen numbers saying rates as high as 50%.  Let's not get into the internal discussion that I'm having right now about how it is now officially my fault that the baby died and move on to this pill that I'm talking about.

It's supposed to make you nauseated and run to the bathroom all the time (not to pee, ifyouknowwhatImean).  You are supposed to lose weight.  Some women have lost 50 pounds!  Glory hallelujah and all that.

What about me?  I'm starving. Can't stop eating.  Not really sick at all.  Sure, I'm not up to the full dose yet, but what the hell?  Oh, and I feel good.  I feel all bouncy and happy and stuff.  Mind you, I'm going to be bleeding on Sunday (13 DPO today).  Today is NOT a day when I usually feel happy.  Anybody have any biological plausibility they can throw my way?

NO  I am not pregnant.  Tested again earlier.  Game over for this month.  I was SOOO sure this was going to be the month, too.  SOOOO sure.  Hrumph.

ETA - I just wanted to mention again that I'm not really having any symptoms other than being hungry. Do you think it will get worse?

We took Q to Chuck E. Cheese in the afternoon on her birthday.  If you sign up at the website, you get a large pizza, drinks and 40 tokens for less than 20 bucks.  Hard to say no to.  Anyway, she had a blast.  She loved riding all of the rides.  There were several that were the biggest hits.  The big winner was the "big clock on the wall" ride.  Here is a video of her on it.  I'm sure she rode this 7 times.  You got 2 revolutions for your token.


The almost life-sized horse:


Anything that looked like an animal, Big Red Car or (preferably) both:


Here is the complete set

We took a last-minute appointment at Sears on Q's birthday and had some pictures taken.  As with all things, you get what you pay for.  There is the trade-off of the convenience of calling at 10 am and getting in at 10:30 with the fact that the girl cut Q's pigtail or foot off in almost every picture.

Here are all of them.  Here are the three we ordered.  I love the first one.  The second is pretty good (it was cropped in closer on the ones we ordered).  I don't really like her smile in the last one, but it looked so much like a school picture that I just couldn't resist.

My friends at flickr really seem to like this one:

I like it, but there is something weird about the camera looking down on her that creeped me out so we didn't get any of that one.  I got the same feeling from this picture at 14 months:

We took Q in for her 2 year appointment yesterday.  Here are her charts.  They only go up to 24 months, so we are done with charting.

She weighed in at 24 pounds, which puts her at the 18th percentile.
 

She was 34.5 inches tall, which is the 79th percentile.(sorry about the typo earlier that said 29) If the rule holds true about doubling your height at age two, this means that she will be 5'9" as an adult.  I suppose anything is possible...


After remarking (again) about Quinn's "fitness," the doctor went out of her way (again) to reinforce with us that there is nothing wrong with Quinn because she looks different than the other kids on the playground. "Most toddlers do not have six packs.  Quinn does.  That's the way she is and that's fine."  Um... I actually hadn't been worrying, but now I'm worrying about NOT worrying.  I actually was sort of proud that my kid was beefcake.

All-in-all it was a good appointment.  The kid is fine.  See you next year.

I don't have a ton of time to post because we want to do a bunch of stuff today, but I wanted to take this time to tell you how proud I am to be your Mommy. You are smart and strong and beautiful. You are silly and caring and a daredevil. You are outgoing like neither one of us will ever be.  You are also opinionated, stubborn and a royal pain in the ass. Every day I am thrilled, amazed and horrified by all the new things you know and can do.  I'm so sorry if my sadness over the death of your baby brother or sister has somehow made me less of a good mom to you.  Please know how much I love you.

I went to the OB today for my ultrasound and to get my test results.  All of my numbers were "normal" but I know that isn't enough for you.  The blood draw was done on CD 4ish.  (maybe 3.5*)  Here are the deets:

Thyroid 1.871  Reference range 0.35 to5.5
FSH 6.2  RR 2.5 to 10.2
Serum Testosterone 47 RR 14-76
Free Test 1.0  RR 0 to 2.2

My ultrasound was for the pain I have been having off and on for a while now.  It is in the vicinity of my rt ovary -- both in the front and the back.  I would probably never have thought to look inside to see what is going on if I wasn't wanting to look in there for other reasons.  It turns out that my uterus is tipped to the right and is basically laying up against my ovary.  They might be attached with scar tissue (from the c-section or endometriosis) of they might just be touching and not attached.  No real way to tell from U/S.  Doc said that she wasn't surprised that it was owey, but that it shouldn't affect fertility.  She could do an HSG (dye test) to see if the tubes are clear, but that might be a party for a later date.

At first she thought my lining looked a little thin, but then she said it was fine for CD 11 (maybe 10.5*).  We looked at my left ovary first (not the owey one).  She only found two follicles on it.  The biggest one was 5mm.  On the right side there was a huge mother of a follicle and one or two little friends.  DEFINITELY not polycystic looking.  The big one was 1.5 cm (15 mm) so a good size for today, I think.  She said that if she "did FSH, which she doesn't" she would have done it today.  I'm guessing she means a trigger shot.  I haven't gotten my surge yet, but it is on its way.  The follicle was about half the size of my ovary.  I just can't imagine where these chics with 24 follicles put them all....

I go to the lab on 7 DPO for glucose and progesterone tests.  I go to my regular doctor next week to maybe have myself put on blood pressure meds.  *sigh*

Anyway, we spermed up tonight.  It was fairly uneventful other than the pizza guy arriving right when Meg was putting the instead cup in.  Imagine: Sliiide...Ding-Dong!  Fortunately the guys were there to answer the door.  Two thirty-something men watching the Wiggles and ordering pizza.  We'll probably sperm up one more time, depending on my surge.  My timing and our donor's work schedule aren't the best this month, so it will probably either be tomorrow night late, a nooner on Friday or Friday evening.


*CD1 started pretty late in the day

Remember the dead battery that I mentioned in our Kia (AKA the reason that I couldn't get to the doctor for the hoochie issues)?  I called AAA yesterday to come out and give us a jump.  I didn't think it would work, but it was worth a shot.  Guy came out and tried it, but couldn't get the car started by jumping it.  The conclusion was "starter."  He had another truck come out and tow it to the dealership.  We looked online and found that it would could buy a starter for $250 or something, like, if we wanted to put it in ourselves.  Having the dealership do it?  Holy moly...

Anyway, guy called and left this message saying that it wasn't the starter.  The car's gears were screwed up and so it didn't know it was in park and thus wouldn't start.  Treatment?  New TRANSMISSION.  ugh....

No mention of price or stuff on the phone, so sucked it up and called.  Guy said that it was UNDER WARRANTY.  Squeeee!!!!!  Can you believe it???  I hope it really fixes it.  With our luck, they will do that and it won't fix it and it will end up being something else that isn't under warranty.

I am a dumbass.  I tried to install something on the site immediately before leaving for home.  It died.  I have it visible now, but not working.  I will try to get it fixed tonight.  Sorry for the inconvenience.

On the bright side, if I get it fixed, we'll have a fancy calendar dealeo.

FUCK!

Just keep him in your thoughts.  He should be fine.  In fact, he should be better than fine since they are taking the stones out, but I'm still a little worried, you know?

Here are some pics of our RustyBear

<rant>Yeah, I know the IVP is down.  I've talked to the tech guys a couple of times.  The first time I was told that the server had to be restarted and would be up in 5 minutes or so.  That was maybe a half hour ago.  I just called again and was told that they are working on it and it would be "soon."  This ticks me off.  We just sent that message inviting all of our lurkers and quiet folks to say howdy and NOW the server is down?!?  I was also in the middle of installing a new store in the mall that I'm working on.  I'm not sure what will come of that being interrupted.</rant>

ETA - 3:15 -- site back up. Sorry about that *sigh*

1) Winky died
2) The water pipe broke in the front yard and we had to pay to fix it
3) I got strep throat
4) Megan got the flu
5) Quinn has had a medical problem recently that isn't an internet thing to talk about.  We are 90% sure she is OK now, so don't worry.
6) Rusty is peeing blood all over the house
     a) Rusty is sick
     b) Our house is covered in blood
     c) Rusty needs to have $500 surgery next week after his $250 vet appointment yesterday
7) Quinn is screaming 75% of the time that she is awake and 95% of this time that I am home.  Screaming typically is accompanied by kicking and hitting.
8) They are getting rid of 400-600 people at work.  If I'm not one of them, I will probably still be re-organized to another job.
9) Megan isn't working (which causes her to feel stressed) and is trapped at home with Quinn all day (see 7)
10) I'm supposed to be 24 weeks pregnant, but I'm not.  I'm not pregnant at all.
11) I don't know if I want to be pregnant because Quinn is already more than we can handle.  I was trying to convince Megan to send her to daycare just so that she will GO AWAY for a while.  Ever since her illness (see 5), things have been worse.  Megan has been reading books.  I hope they help.
12) I have some sort of infection "down there".  I'm guessing it is a spin-off from my super antibiotics that I took for my strep (see 3).  I think maybe I have both a UTI and a vaginosis.  Neither is too bad.  Just a little weird feeling.  A little itchy.  A little burny.  I can't go to the doctor today because Quinn needs a nap and she hasn't had a good one in two days (long story, partially involving item 6c).  Going to cross my fingers, drink lots of water, buy some AZO and squirt hydrogen peroxide up my hoo hah*.
13) I'm so depressed and stressed out about everything that I am nearly nonfunctional.
14) I haven't had the time or ability to be there for anyone else.  I just checked and I have 943 unread blog posts.  I've had people at work mention that they saw Megan's post about this or that and I hadn't even read it.
15) Our washing machine is seemingly even more broken than it was before.  We had been able to get a load a day or so out of it.  Now it seems to always stop at the rinse and/or spin cycle.
16) I feel really pressured to buy a house now while interest rates are low and sellers and desperate, which means we need to get the basement dried up, the house painted, new faucets installed, oh and scrub the blood off of the walls (see 6b) so that we can sell THIS house.  I feel pretty sure that if we have our house on the market by the time people start getting rebate checks that someone will buy it.  Our neighborhood is one of the few where you can still get a house for under $100,000 and you still feel safe parking your car on the street.  That's why we bought here 6 years ago.  I feel like there has to be a mom with a few kids (500+300+300=1100) who would love to have a 3 bedroom house, with air conditioning, a fenced-in yard, carport and recently "finished" basement. FXFXFXFXFX
17) I'm sure I've forgotten things and will feel guilty about them.

Work beckons...

*Yeah, it does sound horrifying, but it is supposed to work at least as well as the clindamycin AND it doesn't kill the "good" bacteria. 

Edited - Remembered one. The battery is dead on one of our cars, so that's *really* why I can't go to the doc today.

Quinn and August


Quinn and Hannah


Quinn wearing what she calls "Big Glasses"


Megan with Eric and Jen -- It was SO good to see them again. We really miss eating "stuff" with them.


This video is of Quinn and Hannah (and a mostly invisible cat) playing open and close.


A gallant stranger helps Quinn climb the big cage thing at the Boston Children's Museum.

So, we've both been sick since we got home from our trip.  The weird thing is that we have different stuff.  I'm guessing we touched different gross things at one children's museum or airplane or another. 

Megan has more "flu-like" symptoms -- sore throat, cough, snot, achy all over.  She has no health insurance because I'm not allowed to put her on the family plan that Q and I have through work.  She hasn't been to the doctor, but has started taking some tetracycline that she has in the cupboard (yep, there is a full 10-day dose in there).  She is allergic to penicillins and sulfas, so her options are pretty limited anyway.  I think that perhaps she feels a touch better, but her cough sounds like it is really settling in.  I asked at the Urgent Care that I went to yesterday and it is $95 to see a doctor without insurance.  Anyone know if this is about average?  Are there deals to be had somewhere else?  If she is still this sick tomorrow, I think I'm going to make her go.  Yeah, I know, you can't MAKE Megan do anything, but we can swing it if she needs to go, you know?

I took my insurance-privileged self to an urgent care yesterday and was quickly (after watching an entire episode of Dr. Phil and half of The Price is Right in the waiting room) diagnosed with strep throat.  I don't have the snot or the coughing, like she does, just the ABSOLUTE throat from hell.  Seriously, it's a horror show.  They gave me azithromycinamoxicilan since I'm TTC.  I was thinking that I could share with Megan and just call in a couple of days and tell them I dropped the pill bottle in the cat's water bowl or something.  Sadly, it is in the penicillin family.  I was supposed to be fever-free and not contagious by noon today. SO not the case.  My tongue was so swollen this morning that I was talking like the minister in a Princess Bride.  Not Cute - especially on Valentine's Day.  I haven't really been able to eat in 3 days, so I had some nausea going on with that.  My fever was still up, so I called my regular doctor and they got me in.  I was told that my strep strain must be resistant and they gave a shot in the ass of some antibiotic to get me started and a prescription for augmentin. 

Oh yeah, I mentioned TTC.  Guess who got a positive OPK yesterday afternoon and peak on the monitor today?  We spermed up last night, trying to breathe and touch as little as possible at their house.  Hopefully my sizzling hoochie doesn't fry the little suckers.

The only blessing is that so far (knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock) Quinn isn't sick.  I'm trying not to smooch on her, but it is SO hard.  She is always up in my face.

We are home from our trip.  Pics are downloading as we speak.  It was a fabulous trip and we have a lot to tell you, but we have some stuff to deal with here first.  The WORST thing is that our breaker got tripped for our kitchen while we were away and so we've had to throw all of our food away.  I just got back from the grocery so that we have milk and some essentials.  There is a "winter weather advisory" today, so the grocery was cleaned out.  It was wild.

The flight was terrible.  I think Quinn's ears were full and so on both take-off and landing she had most terrible look of horror on her face and screamed no no no no no over and over.  She arched her back and kicked and hit and screamed.  We were THOSE people with THAT baby.  My ears hurt pretty darn bad myself, so I can only imagine her agony.  She wouldn't suck on anything or drink anything.  I tried to tug her earlobes but it only made her scream more.  It was awful.  I've NEVER seen the look of fear on her face that she had.

We got her to bed by a little after 1 am.  We got ourselves to bed by around 2.  Megan was having chills from a fever breaking.  Quinn did sleep in, if you can call 7:30 sleeping in (I do!).

Going to eat some lunch and put Q back down for a nap.

The doctor called.  The barium that they gave her didn't even make it to her stomach.  There is some sort of tumor constricting things in there.  She is so hungry, but no food can make it to her hungry belly.  There is nothing that can be done.  He asked if we wanted to bring her home for the afternoon, but she gets so stressed in the car and would just hide under the bed anyway.  She was sitting peacefully there, so we just left her.  We go in at 6:30 to put her to sleep.  We have to take Quinn, which will be a nightmare, I just know it. 

We looked online for info and called a funeral home.  They have a pet-only crematorium.  They give you a little box/urn of ashes with a name-plate, a pawprint and a tuft of fur.  They even will pick her up from the vet for us and return her ashes there.  It will be less than a hundred dollars, which sounds so reasonable to us.

She wasn't even a cat that we wanted.  She is Mel's mom, but was feral and was going to be sent to live as a barn cat with 40 other cats.  She is so shy, and tiny and it was Mother's Day Weekend and we we both hormonal and we ended up with a cat.  She turned out to be so sweet (but always shy) and our little princess.  Her greatest joy was when Megan made popcorn.  She hear the whirlypop sounds and come running.  This was huge, considering how much time she spent hiding (just ask judecorp, who never believed in Winky because she never saw her).  She would meow and paw at you for popcorn. 

She was named after the cat in Escape to Witch Mountain, my favorite book as a child.  Our magical little black kitty.  We will miss you.

We don't have many pictures of her, but here are the best ones:
  

So I wake up with a sore throat this morning, wondering if Winky is still alive until the bed, also with the knowledge that the water people are going to come and dig up our front yard.  Niiiiice.

You saw the pics of the yard.  They have everything hooked up and are calling for an inspection soon.  The water is back on.  Megan says the water pressure is rockin'.

But that's not really what this post is about.  We just got back from the vet.  Winky is down another 8 oz since we were there last week ( 4 lbs, 14 oz.).  She has been keeping NO food down.  The doc thought it might be really bad asthma.  They did some x-rays and found that her heart and stomach are all on top of each other, to the point that he really couldn't tell what was going on.  Her diaphragm was totally not where it was supposed to be.  He was going to give her some barium to see where her actual gastric path is and do another x-ray.  He thought it was some sort of ulcer, possibly from a big trauma, possibly years ago.  They kept her and are supposed to call.

There was also a BB in her.  Like, from a gun.  We had one taken out when she had her teeth cleaned, but we didn't know about this one.  It is right up against her heart ( but not causing a problem).  Winky had a hard start to her life.

I don't know if we can afford/will choose to pay for surgery for a 14+ year old really sick and frail cat.  I love her dearly, but she is not well in so many ways.  I just don't know what to do.  Are we monsters if we have her put down?  I said that I didn't think she could survive surgery and the vet replied that not doing it was a "death sentence."  Would having the surgery improve her quality of life enough to be worthwhile?  The other stress in this is that we are going to be in Boston Friday-Monday.  What are we going to do with her?  She is very timid and freaked out, so boarding at the vet isn't a great option.  *sigh*

Maybe I'll have more details soon.

I'm trying to con Megan into working with me. 

The state is doing poorly financially, so jobs are a little tough to come by.  Right now, however, there are these three rule-writing jobs open that Megan would rock.  I've been trying to get her interested in them.

Here are my arguments:
-She would work in the same building as me, but not WITH me.  Different floors and everything.
-The work is satisfying as you are creating the Ohio Administrative Code that has to do with eligibility for medicaid (you are helping people, but without a customer service aspect)
- She would be 2 blocks from Quinn's new daycare.
- Carpool!
- She has 10 years of state time that would transfer in.  That means that (once things got processed) her vacation accrual would be at the rate of FOUR WEEKS a year, plus two weeks of sick, plus an extra week of personal time, plus state holidays, plus NO weekends.  (Over 8 weeks of weekdays off a year!)
- Benefits!
- It pays $10 more an hour than the library job

Her arguments against:
- Health care really isn't her thing -- which is a HUGE, important thing.  A deal-breaker, really.
- She doesn't think she qualifies (but she does)
- The State of Ohio is a sucking vortex of perks from which you can never escape.

I really want her to follow her bliss, I do, but this seems like such an awesome opportunity.  She could get in and move to something else she likes better (IN is always better than OUT).  She could continue to accumulate state time while she is waiting for a library job and then quit.

I had a little more say (in fact the point of this message was) about how I feel like a complete ass for bringing these jobs up all the time, but it is bedtime for bonzo.